Mostly about my mother

I don't think that this particular entry is going to have special significance compared to the others that I've written. Just a way for me to get my thoughts down and let it all out.
At night I like to relax by playing the piano. The days are usually long and hard with Christopher. I'm amazed at how he can completely destroy the house, and he does it so quickly! I just finished cleaning up the kitchen, so now I feel good that at least one room in the apartment is clean. Tomorrow I hope to work on the living room, and maintain the cleanliness of the kitchen. Hopefully by the Friday I want to have all rooms of the apartment cleaned and orderly. My dad is coming up, which I'm happy about, my mom isn't, which is a disappointment, but nothing new unfortunately. She has been consitant with one thing, disappointing people, and lying. It's very frustrating. I'm finding it harder as I get older to continue to have a healthy relationship with her. She's bi-polar. She's very impulsive, and extremely depressed. She lies a lot, and on a few occasions has purposely hurt me as a way to get closer to my brother. I'll explain more on that later if I feel like it. Those who are close to me know the story, in fact most of them were there. I'm just not sure what to do with her anymore. When I talk with her on the phone I get really sick of listening to her excuses for EVERYTHING! I have told her once in my life how I felt and it went exactly how I thought it was going to go. She overreacted, said that I didn't love her, and completely blew up.
I am certain that if I told her to quit making up excuses and be responsible for her actions, that I'm sick of hearing her complain about everything, and turn everything into drama that she would refuse to talk to me anymore. I talk with her daily because I love her, and I'm very worried about her. She wasn't the type of mother that I needed when I grew up. Yes she was there for me, and I did grow up to be a great woman (I think :) ) however, she did a terrible job at setting a good example.
She smoked like a chimney, she did speed for half of my life (and according to my sister, denied but continued use for the other half) she smoked pot everyday until the day that I had my son. She refused to quit because it "helped her". Whatever. I told her that in order to see her grandson she needed to be clean, and to my knowledge she is, but unfortunately I have no proof, I am just going off of her word. We know how trust worthy she is. . .
You know I don't really consider myself to have a messed up life, but when I sit down and think of all of the things that have happened to me I'm amazed at how I turned out to be the person that I am now. I'm giving myself the credit though. I've never wanted to do drugs and never given into the the peer pressure when I could have. It wasn't good parenting that was instilled into my brain saying that you should say no to drugs, I guess it was because I didn't want the type of lifestyle that my mother had. I knew that I wanted to be a better person than that, I think I am.