Optimistic? New Approach

Well for those of you that don't know, a long while ago (Feb 06) I was diagnosed with depression. Ever since I've been on medicine to control my mood. Unfortunately when I don't take my pills for 2 weeks I tend to become depressed. . . (hahaha weird how that happens isn't it?) Well I don't like how I am without my medicine. I'm unhappy, I get stressed out easily, and I don't enjoy my life. I remember the summer that I was taking my medicine. I was a really pleasant person to be around. I was funny, well at least I thought that I was funny, I laughed a lot and I really enjoyed myself. I was outgoing, and now I'm not. So I'm going to try and get back onto my pills. It is going to be hard for the first two weeks because you don't really see any improvement, and with a bad mood it's really easy to stop. I've started and stopped a lot, and there are side effects for about a month (sometimes only 2 weeks) that don't make me feel good. Like being nauseated, which also give me a reason to stop.
So with the help of my friends, I am hoping to improve my life. I enjoy being a mother to Christopher, so much that I want to have another baby. I love the love that I feel for him. His hugs are the best thing in the world to me. I love that he cries when I walk out of the room, because he just wants to be near me. I love that he laughs as he walks back and forth through our apartment, I love that he is mischievious and puts things in the dogs water dish. I can't really imagine loving him any more, but I can love life more. So that's what I'm going to do. For me, for him, for my husband, for my friends, for my family, and most importantly for God.
I've been very disconnected from God for quite a while. I haven't really praised him since Christopher was born. I haven't felt his presence in my life much, and I think that is why I have such a hard time with Davey devoting his life, and career to become a pastor. I'm not as close to God as I wish I was.
I push back and fight at the thought of growing closer to him. It just doesn't seem real to me. I don't want to become a Bible Thumper, tapping on the good book every time something happens. Someone died, go to God; someone was born, go to God; I've had a fight with a friend, go to God. I like to think of myself as independent, that I don't need that much support in my life. I realize that I do need the help, but why is it that I would rather get it from a friend, or family member worrying about if I am bothering them with my problems, than to go to the one who is ALWAYS there for me, that doesn't hurt me, that loves me unconditionally? I don't think that it's because he deals with a lot of other people's problems. That's just who he is. He's capable of doing that, it's a foolish answer that we only use to give some sort of reason, but really we know that it's not the reason. I'm not sure what the reason is. . .