Closing of California

This might be my last time living here in California, and looking back its been a very memorable year. There have been some dramatic changes, and more yet to come.
We found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant, and we are now expecting our 2nd child. I am going to wait an additional week before I go to the doctors so that I can have the same midwife I had while I was in Minnesota. She was such a sweet lady and made me feel so good about myself.
We aren't sure how far along I am, I never got my period back after my miscarriage 6 months ago. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy test to say POSITIVE. I've been very stressed lately so I was just going to say that I didn't have a period because of stress. However I took the test because for the last 2-3 weeks I have been very emotional. The smallest things have made me break down in tears, and for an unexplained reason I FELT like I was pregnant. There aren't any symptoms that I could really describe to you, it was just a feeling.
Yesterday (the day after I found out I was pregnant) I started to feel REALLY pregnant. I've been very nauseous, and I've had a little bit of heart burn. I also (this might sound weird) can feel my uterus growing. It's like a slight but constant lower stomach ache, and it is NOT helping with the morning sickness.
Tomorrow after I pick up my car from the mechanic (the car has been there for over a month now!!!) I will go to the grocery store and buy some crackers. I ate some of the flip side crackers from Town House, pretzel on one side, cracker on the other and they were not only delicious but very mild and settled my stomach down. No more saltines for me!! Yay!!
I'm excited and scared about the new addition. Excited because I've been having this "baby itch" for a long time, and its only intensified. Scared because I'm not sure if I can handle it. I know I'll HAVE to handle it though. There are some days that I am so frustrated and angry at my little man. He pulls my hair, and hits me, and so far NOTHING has worked to make him stop. I have pulled his hair back, I have put him in time out, I have swatted his hand, I have gotten up and walked away, I have told him that it hurts mommy (which he thinks is hilarious) and the mean time my frustration builds up and I end up yelling at him. I hate that about myself. I feel horrible when I sweatted his hand or pulled his hair and he cried because I think to myself what sort of mother hurts her child for a lesson? Surely there has to be another way. Talking about it doesn't help because he doesn't understand yet, but I did try. Time out doesn't work because he just does it, again and again and again which makes it clear to me that he is NOT testing his boundaries, he simply does not understand that this behavior is painful and unacceptable.
Okay I'm tired, hormonal, angry, jealous, and lonely all at the same time, so this blog might not be coming out the right way. Oh well. . .
David has been gone for over a week, I miss him terribly. I don't like being along and feel like I have been left alone enough for one life time. I'm angry that I have to keep taking the dog out when we made the deal that I would change the diapers and take care of Christopher if he took the dog out. Which ladies is NOT always a fair trade off. (Especially when he went from breast milk to solid foods. YUCK!) I know that taking the dog out is minor, but its very annoying and frustrating to me. I hate getting pulled and yanked in every direction, I'm fed up with her shedding, its all over my clothes and my clean bed, and I HATE sleeping in a bed of dog hair! At the moment I just want to get rid of her. It's difficult to hold Christopher while I take her out. Grrr! I'm jealous because I feel like for the education that David and I have obtained we should be living a better life. I'm jealous of my friends around me that are buying houses that have bachelors degrees, while David finishes up his 4 year masters degree and we are so poor its not even funny. I'm tired of going to the laundry mat, I'm tired of living in an apartment, and I'm tired of sacrificing my life to play the role of the Pastor's Wife when I do not see any rewards for it.
Going to bed before I say something I regret and the hormones get the best of me.